Can't stay in one place ....

I cant stay in one place anymore.

I have the enormous NEED to TRAVEL. To move. To see new things. To find new things and to having to get used to a new environment.

I NEED A CHALLENGE!

I need to meet new people. I need a new atmosphere, I need to face newness, I need to....

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and I need to feel appreciated, I need to feel I am useful, I need to feel unsubstitutable! I need to know that things actually depend on me, and I am making a difference! Of course, I am talking about work now... Yes, I am a bit disappointed now... well, I am a LOT DISAPPOINTED!
I wish I had done differently (just) a month ago, and I would not be in Milan by July....

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I feel sooooo nostalgic about Spain (listening to spanish radio) , about Holland (it is so rainy in Milan in these days) and about Hungary (speaking in Hungarian, and being able to easily realize my enterprise...)

I am starting to feel, that it made no sense to come back to Milan... I was sooooo stupid.
A person who is guided purely by his feelings cannot make the right decisions.
Again, I can only say, I learnt from my mistake. Will not commit it anymore...

I will be out of here with the first decent offer...

Campioni d'Europa

And there we go again!

Milan is the winner of the Champions' League! hehe
I know, it was not a great match, but sometime it does not matter, important to win, no matter how!
It was crazy, we saw it an a bar (without air conditioning, oh my god) and then we went to the main square, to Piazza Duomo, where I have seen something incredible: thousands of people celebrating, millions of bottles of champagne and beer on the ground, private fireworks, people singing... It was impressive!

But let this be enough of football for now. I would instead tell how my week went! It was crazy. from Monday to Friday, I went out every given evening! I did not have the opportunity to go to the supermarket to buy food (indeed, on Saturday I found nothing in the fridge...)
Milan, and its 'aperitivo's killing me. Somehow, after work, I really like to go for 'a' drink and relax, talk to people, share opinion about life.

On thursday I had the year closing aperitivo of Bocconi's marketing department, where I was invited as an 'ex-student'. I had so much fun, and saw so many of my old friends, and actually met some new people! I always got amazed how Bocconi students are international and each of them have some amazing story of their lives!

On Friday we had one those usual work aperitivos (seems like I am good at orginizing those :-) and now we were quite a few people there. And even though this is not the first time, again, I was shocked, to understand my colleagues background, and I keep asking myself, 'what the hell these people doing here?'. These people could work for a big company, filling in very important position, having a lot of power and earning hell lot of money. And, instead, they are working at Bocconi. I have difficulties believing there are so many stupid people as me :-)
Anyways, they are excellent people, and cant believe, that after 5 places of work, finally i found such a nice group of colleagues! (yes, I had nice colleagues before too, and made many many friends of them, but as a group, this is far the best!).
On the other hand, I am a bit disappointed... I do not expect too much from a workplace. Just some things. But those few things I WANT TO HAVE!
I feel an enormous need for traveling. I feel like stuck here. I feel like getting shaded in the grayness. I feel old. I feel lost in one place... It is not me. Indeed, today, I booked two tickets! I am going home in the end of june, and I also booked my ticket for my summer holiday, from 11 august to 26 august. The latter one is a bit particular, as the holidays have not been fixed at work yet. And as far as I understood, it might just not be fixed for a long time. So I dont give a shit, I have my holiday fixed now, and hell I am going on holiday on those days!

And yet, I am soooooo nostalgic about Spain. I am wondering, how the hell I could have thought that coming back to Milan will be the best for me. (dont misunderstand, I have a certain fun over here, but missing something). I realize, that I am reading the Spanish newspaper more and more often online and I am realizing, I have not been there for 10 months now! Indeed, as soon as I am getting a bit stable financially, I am going back for a short trip, because I need to breathe some Spanish air! ... I cannot believe that I did not stay...

This week I am going to work only 3 days! on Thursday an Friday I am having my obligatory 'one month' break (yes, in two days!) required by Bocconi policies if you are switching contract (as I am switching from internship to full time employee). So I will have two days to take of administrative stuff (time for me to change my Italian residency) and do some serious shopping of clothes. And, finally, on Wednesday night I can go out and party until dawn! :-)

Btw, I have been writing my blog for a year time now!! I have left 69 posts (hmm, what a coincidence, hehe) which is more than one a week!! And have had 1465 post views from all around the word (this is you guys!). But what is amazing, it also works like a diary. I have just seen what I was writing a year ago! things like: 'I know Milan sucks and Spain better, but I still have to go back'... and 'This job opportunity at Bocconi is really interesting'... To be honest, after one year, and now that my birthday is getting quite close, I am starting to see how this one past year just flied away!!! it really did! And it was amazing! The first 6 months were about having fun, and traveling like hell, but also about having uncertainty which was killing me. The last six months were about getting back to my beloved city, to my place, to re discover Milan, and to realize what working life is... Life is sooo weird...

an old favorite of mines:

No news...

No news!

I have been working...

Quite a lot... okay, just recently, my job got lighter, I am actually finishing work at 5.30 pm, when I am supposed to! haha

But apart from this, no news. I am having quite a lot of aperitivos though! and enjoying it ;-)

Tomorrow, Champions league final: Milan - Liverpool! Forza Milan!!! I am not sure yet where to watch it, but will find some nice place in Milan, I am sure about it!

That's it for now! hahaha

Aperitivo, aperitivo e aperitivo

It feels like I am living my life from one aperitivo to the other (okay, for the ones, who do not know: 'aperitivo' is an italian (or Milanese?) thing, you go to a bar, get some drink (usually a cocktail, I always get a mojito) and you can eat some stuff too (pasta, vegetables, small sandwiches, and all these things). What is the good thing about it? Well, after work, all I am looking forward is relaxing, and a refreshing drink.
Okay, so what is the deal? In Milan, the cocktails are not that light! After 2 mojitos, I am feeling already quite 'relaxed'! :-) On the positive side: I do not ever need to go to the supermarket! I hardly have breakfast, I have lunch at some restaurant close to work, and instead of dinner, I get some food at 'aperitivo'...

Okay, the point is not the food and supermarket. The point is, I made my mind, definitely, after having hesitated so much, I am stayin' in Italy! For one year now, I am taking this job opportunity. It is quite interesting (although I am really working my ass off, I have never thought that one could work this much outside banking and consultancy... but let it be). I will take the best out of it, I am sure I will learn so much, not especially on a professional level, but more on a personal level.

Anyways, I am staying, no going back to Hungary, no going back to Spain and no going to a third country now! I am breaking my 'gypsy kinda wandering about', and after almost 3 years, I am actually giving ONE place a shot!

We will see...


I love this song... I have loved it for years....

so whats new?

Hi folks,

Many of you complained that I have not updated my blog. The reason for this is that I was in Scotland for a week, then was working way too much, I was out for 1st May, then back to working, and after work I always went for aperitivo, so I just had no time (it sounds so lame, but unfortunately true...)

Edinburgh
Anyways, to start with, I should tell you some words of how my stay went in Scotland.
So, to be honest, Edinburgh is an AMAZING city. I would have never expected this. The whole city has a real atmosphere, and you have this amazing 'feeling' that 'shit, I am in Edinburgh'. You have all these streets with full of history and pubs :-) and really nice people who are happy to help you out and to talk to you. After arriving to the airport we took a taxi (with Tibault, the French guy) and the taxi driver was really nice, telling everything about the city and giving some hints about where to go to have some fun in the evening.
Then when I withdraw some money, I realized that the bank notes carry the text: issued by the bank of Scotland... I was perplessed and started to wonder (loud) it it was the same thing as English pound. Then a lady who was passing by said confirmed that it is the same thing, although i dont want to use them in London, but better of exchanging them for 'english' pounds.
Then all the excellent pubs they got over there! and so many of them! and beer drinking is really a culture for them. I was amazed. Seriously.
There are only 2 negative things about the place. One is the climate. Although it was not raining too much (fortunately) it was quite cold! I had to switch on the heating every given night in the hotel! It is just way too much in the north....
And, the city is really but really expensive! Incredible expensive. To put like this: with the Scottish salary and Scottish price index you are actually poorer than in Milan with the Italian salary! I have this feeling...
So, i have seen quite a few things there, Scotch whiskey museum, queen's palace, castle, old city, new city etc.... It was really fun, and had such a good time. And after all, the city is not to bad, but had difficulties seeing myself living there.

Ya que hablamos de entrevista con la impresa Scottish and Newcastle. Para mi estaba muy claro que andaba para ahi solo por tener vacancas pagadas! Pero, bueno, mi ha impressionado la impresa. Muy professional, muy interessante, pero, bueno, ya el programma 2 anos 4 paises no es verdad! En realta, se habla de dos anos y 2-3 paises.... Y claramente media ano, o un ano en Edinburgo... que dezir.... ya que en Edinburgo con aquele salario no si vive muy bien, yo creo.... Entonces, yo no se, no pienso que me interessa... pero no puedo saber. En cualqer modo, me dejan saber entre una semana.

complete photo album is here

First of May
First of May, festa del lavoro!
I spent if at the lake of Garda, (aroung 130kms from Milan). Amazing place. we were celebrating Davide's birthday (Davide is Elena's boyfriend, I was doing my internship at the Australian Consulate with Elena, and btw, she is a Bocconi student, she is not too proud of this though...)
Anyways, we went to some kind of beach at the lake, and took some sun, ate, drank some beer (okay, that was only me) and it was really really relaxing, which, btw, I really need anyways. Then we went to great pizzeria where i took the specialty of the house, which is chicken done by a brazilian receipt! Wonderful, believe me :-) then birthday cake, birthday present, and I was home already home at 1 am....
negatives of the day? having to get up at 7.00 am.... when am i going to take some rest finally???







AC Milan
the following day, we went to see AC Milan against Manchester in the second leg of the semifinal in the Champions' League! (Thanks to Stefano btw). it was really an amazing match, but somehow i did not manage to enjoy it, i was so tired.... fuck it...
Anyways, the point is, MILAN IS THE FINAL!!! haha!!! I am thinking of going to the final of Athens, but the thing is it would be complicated to get leave days now from work, and financially it would be too much of a burden...


New position
Okay, so how am i really spending my days?
well, from last monday I have been taking a new role at Bocconi! I became the coordinator of one of the dual degree programs at Bocconi! (www.bocconiceu.org)
I thought it is not a big deal (apart from the fact that it happens to be a senior position...) but now I am realizing it is much much harder than I though it would be... and after one week, I am a bit lost, way too much information I am getting, and way too much things i do not know yet. and honestly, Im having a big doubt on how the hell they could give me this position, I am way too young to have the 'credibility' for such a position with full of responsibilities. Anyways, it's been only one week, and I prefer not drawing too much of conclusion, so I will get back to this in a few weeks, when I will completely understand the situation...
Anyways, what I am really but really sad for is leaving the International Student Desk. Even though I had serious doubts about it in the beginning, in these several past months I really had fun working there, and I owe thanks to my direct colleagues who always helped me. Laura and Nick are the best!!! Exceptional persons. And to be honest, I have never had such a good direct colluege as Stefano. Stefano was amazingly supporting and became one of the persons I trust the most now! It was an exceptional experience and eventhough the workload was exaggeratedly high in the beginning, I have to say, I have enjoyed it to the most possible!

At this moment
I am relaxing, having some cups of voda&orange and listening to lounge music (maybe the only thing missing is some real 'dutch' stuff, hehe). The thing is that over the last 2 weeks I got really exhausted. Maybe this is the reason why I was sleeping until 4 pm today! 4 pm!! (i got up at 11 am to eat something, after that i just got back to sleeping). I would have really liked to go out, but after all i found noone who would have joined me, so I am staying in, and guess what, I am working! :-(

Anyways, in the last 4 weeks, I was thinking a lot. I was thinking (and still thinking) what the hell I am doing in Milan???? Of course, I like Milan. I like the city, the culture, the people and how things are getting done. But, to be honest, I do not really see what I am doing here. why I am back here? yes, because one stupid person a year ago said 'Gabor will never go back to Bocconi' and I am arrogant enough to prove that I can be back and other people will not decide about my future. And because I was stupid enough to think I can get back what I had just 3 years ago (of course I cannot)...
What the hell I am doing here?
To cite my post of one year ago: 'Madrid is so much better than Milan'
and almost a year ago I wrote also one post (in Spain):
I love this place so much.
I love the city
I love the people
I love the language
I love the climate
I love the smell of the coffee in the morning which fills the streets in the center
I love the bars with the 50 cent shots
I love Irish Rover with its cool music
I love the parks
I love not to worry about tomorrow but only about tonight
I love to be hidden
I love to wander to historical streets of the city
I love the Sun and
I love the sky which is really azzurro here, . . .

I do not want to go away :-(
Why did I go away? Because I believed that Milan can offer more.


So, what now?
To be honest, the plan would be, give me some time. Give me a year. Give this job opportunity a year. In a year time many things can happen. Maybe my whole life will change.
Maybe...
I know what I want.
I dont know how to get there.
And honestly, i do not even believe i would ever get there... not any more. I was too much hurt and got disappointed in the past. But I cannot know. I do accept, I am still way too young to know everything about life!
But after all, what can happen to me here? I am in Milan, a city I know... Where I feel the most at home, no matter what. I can save some money, I can definitely learn a lot from my new challange at work and some stability after these 3 years of moving around all the time, would not hurt too much...
I would say, pazienza, vedremo come vanno le cose, e prossimo maggio ci evalutero molto bene come fare e come andar avanti con la vita. Sono ancora giovane.. forse... o forse no.. Ma, in realta, non penso che un anno in piu a milano mi farebbe troppo male.
Ho dei sogni, se non riesco realizzarli a Milano, cmq, come mi conoscerete gia, non avro problemi con cambiare lavoro, citta, paese e vita...

Intanto direi, si vada avanti, si beva vodka e arancia, si fumi della roba preziosa, si realizzi degli obbiettivi in lavoro, e si trovi bene!

hugging all of you guys very strongly!

ps: lovely music: